


Moments

by halfhuman2214



Series: Loner Universe [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Absent Parents, Cutting, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Life is unfair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:18:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 13,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1888173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfhuman2214/pseuds/halfhuman2214
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little moments in the life of Calum Hood and Michael Clifford as they face absent parents, stutters, and friendship.</p><p>Can be read separate from Secret.</p><p>Major trigger warning. This story contains lots of talk about triggering situations. You have been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Age 4

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the start of the piece I said I was going to be working on about Calum and Michael and how they face the world. You also get to see the transition Michaels' parents make from being attentive to absent in later chapters.
> 
> I don't know know when they originally met or how... so bear with me.

Calum was 4 when he first met Michael Clifford, the boy with the dirty blond hair and the stutter. He was an only child of a decently well off family (not that he knew that at the time) who was shy and had a speech impediment. It was in October while they were in preschool, and Mrs. Clifford walked her son into the classroom. The small boy hid behind her legs as she talked to the teacher. Calum caught a few words like "stutter" and "shy", not that any of the words meant anything to him at the time. All he cared about was that there was a new boy to play with. So he did what his mother taught him, he tottered over to the boy and said, "Hi, I'm Calum Hood. I am 4." 

The dirty blond haired boy just stared at him, but his teacher, Ms. Warren, responded. "Oh Calum, this is Michael. He is new and he also has a little trouble speaking, which is called a stutter, but he is just like you. Do you think you could go play with him?" She had bent down to his level. Her face lit up in a smile as he nodded. "That's a good boy." It took a little pushing from Mrs. Clifford, but Michael soon followed him. He was to young to understand the "thank you for that" that Mrs. Clifford gave his teacher.

It was 15 mins later that she had finished her conversation with Ms. Warren, and was walking towards the boys. In that short amount of time Calum had gotten Michael to play blocks with him, and the boy had started wearing a small smile. "Okay Mikey, mummy has to go to work now. But Daddy will be back to pick you up at 3 okay? But you can play here with Calum okay?" He just nodded, his smile gone. "I love you Mikey." 

"I l...love y...you too Mummy." He stuttered out. His mothers face lit up. She kissed his head and stood up leaving. For a moment Calum was worried Michael was gunna run after her. But all he did was watch her go before turning back towards the blocks.

The day progressed with them singing the ABC's and counting to 5. And through all of it Michael didn't utter a word. Not even to when Ms. Warren talked to him, he remained tight lipped. So it surprised Calum when he was walking out with his mother and sister at the end of the day and Michael passed by with his father, stuttering out excitedly. "W...we b...built wi...with blocks. A...and th...they sang th...the A...ABC's a...nd cou...counted t...t...to 5. M...Ms. Wa...Warren s...said it wa...was o...okay th...that I d...didn't p...p...pa....par..."

"Participate?" His father supplied.

"Y...yeah. Sh...she s...said in t...time I wi...will." He finished.

"I bet in time you will. Did you talk to this Calum boy?" His father asked. Calum tried to pay closer attention because he heard his name.

"N...no. Wh...what i...if h...he i...is me...mean t...to me 'cu...cuz of h...ow I sp...speak?" Michael says. Which confuses Calum, why would he be mean to him? He seemed nice.

"I'm sure he won't laugh at you." His father said. Calum didn't get to hear anymore because they had walked away.

It took two weeks before Michael said anything to him. "H...hi." Michael said standing in front of Calum looking down. He was scuffing his sneaker covered foot. 

Calum smiled. "I knew you would talk to me eventually. Do you wanna play trucks?" Michael nodded and sat down.

Neither boy knew it, but it was the start of a friendship that was going to be able to withstand everything, and bring them places they never imagined.


	2. Age 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years later after that fateful day they met in Preschool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is short, kinda sucky, but it gives another persons perspective on the whole situation.

Joy Hood watched her son chase the unusually quiet boy around her back yard. Michael Clifford had been a reoccurring fixture in both her sons and family's life for almost two years now. Unfortunately Michaels parents have not been around as much. Joy knew that they were having trouble conceiving again, which was putting strain on the marriage, but that doesn't account for why they didn't stick around much when the boys were over. They had taken Calum for a night or two at a time, and her son never had anything bad to say, but the frequency was decreasing as they increased trying to have another child. Not that she was complaining, the boy was a pleasure to have around. 

Joy was pleased to know that Karen was right and as Michael got to know them his stutter decreased, and while it was still present he could get two or three words without having a break in the sentence. "J...Joy?" She jumped, then turned around to the green eyed boy. "Have my p...parents called?"

Karen or her husband were supposed to call to arrange a time to pick up Michael at around 10 in the morning, it was now 2 in the afternoon. And the phone went to voice mail when she tried calling them. Sighing she replied, "Not yet sweety. I will let you know as soon as they do." The boy nodded and went back outside. Joy turned back to watch Michael, one day his parents were going to fail him, and when that happened she was going to show him that he still had family.

An hour later Karen was calling, already on her way to pick up her son. Apologizing about running late and saying that it won't happen again. Joy has to hold back a snort. It has happened twice already. But when Michael sees her and her face lights up just like his, and she catches him mid jump, even though he is 6 and getting heavy, Joy can't stop the smile. She really does mean well. 

The next time Joy sees Michael, he is talking about being a big brother, all excited and everything. The Clifford's start to take the boys more nights, but Joy still has the sinking feeling that one day she will have to be a mother to a boy who she has come too think of as a son.

And one night, while checking in on the sleeping boys, she realizes she wouldn't want it any other way.


	3. Age 7/8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the disappearing act Michaels parents pull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This situation is completely made up  
> Michael is 7, Calum is 8

Michael was a big brother for all of two months. Little Jameson Aaron Clifford was born at 2 in the morning on April 18th, two weeks late. He died of S.I.D.S (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) nearly two months later. The only saving grace is that Michael was at the Hoods the night he died. Calum remembers his mother coming into his room before the sun was up to talk to Michael. She had taken him out of the room, and Calum drifted off again. A few hours later when he woke up again, Michael was no where to be found and he couldn't figure out why. Stumbling down the stairs, his cry to his mother dies oh his lips. There is Michael, curled up in a ball just mindlessly watching a cartoon, looking smaller then he did three years ago. "Mornin'" Calum mumbled. Michael just looked at him.

All in a flash Calum remembers not understanding why Michael was so quiet, not understanding why baby Jamie was dead, and being forced into a suit and looking at a tiny casket that held baby Jamie. And after the funeral he didn't understand why Michael didn't come over anymore, or why at school he didn't talk. His mother had said the boy was just trying to put everything back together and he would be fine soon. But Calum knew that look on his mothers face, he has seen it many times. It means she doesn't know if what she is saying is true and that she is scared too. And so is Calum. You see he may be only 8, but he knows that Michael is too shy and quiet normally. He knows that his stutter isn't a good thing and it gets worse when he is nervous or upset. And he knows he bottles stuff up and that can be bad. But he also knows that there is nothing he can do about it.

When Michael finally comes back around, he is mute. He overhears Karen tell his mom that the doctors think it is temporary, and brought on by the death of his baby brother. His mind is trying to process, and talking isn't necessary to it. So everyone works around it, they deal with it. They know his different gestures, what they mean, what he wants. And life moves on as normal.

It takes three months before he says anything. And even then it is small quiet words that he stumbles over and struggles to get out. He sees the heartbreak written on his mothers face as well as the relief. Yes the boys stutter is back and worse then before but he is talking again, and they can work with that. And they do just that. 

Unfortunately no one saw the shit storm that was literally brewing beneath the surface at the Clifford household. Michaels parents spent their entire time at home crying or drinking, sometimes both. Michael watched them many nights from the doorway of the living room, they just sat there. Tear tracks staining their face and whatever alcohol they decided to drown their sorrows in that night. Most nights his parents held it together long enough to go to work in the morning, and made it all the way to dinner time. At that point one of them would pick up some food up quick, leave a plate out for him. But there were the nights where they were so lost in their own heads that they forgot to get food and Michael went hungry for the night.

Michael wasn't stupid, he knew that they had delayed having more children because of him and his issues. And when he finally was making progress it was already nearly to late to have more children. Baby Jamie was a miracle, his parents were bout ready to give up, and his father had taken to sleeping on the couch. And any conversation that was held between the two adults was a shouting match. Then his mother got pregnant, carried more then full term. Only to lose the baby to a syndrome that couldn't be explained. Michael wants to tell them that they can just move, but he doesn't think it will do any good, and Calum is his only friend. So he lets a single tear fall, turns into the kitchen to warm up food for himself in a microwave that he can't even reach yet without a chair. He eats alone, washes his plate and goes back into his room where he stays till morning. Tucking himself into bed, and lying awake feeling years older then he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the weird 3rdish person point of view and the shift between the two.


	4. Age 9/10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised I mixed up the ages. Michael is the older one.

Michael was 10 the first night his parents didn't come home, it was a Saturday and recently it wasn't unusual for his parents to got to work on the weekends. But what was unusual was the stack of money sitting on the counter. He ignored it and went about his day, heating up leftovers. They didn't come home the next day, or the day after that, or after that. He ran out of food on day 6. Day 8 he took the money and ordered takeaway. He ran out of money on day 19, and he ran out of food on day 22. His parents came home on day 23, drunk and loud. They made a mess of the house and left, the next morning there was more money on the counter.

Michael got good at making the money last, he learned how long he could make takeaway last if he only ate one meal a day, what places were the cheapest. He coped, never knowing how long his parents were going to be gone for. Sometimes he didn't even know they came home, he would just wake up with more money. He had to notch his belt loop one or two holes tighter and his shirts got baggier. Even though he was saving up quite a bit of money, he kept to his routine, it became a sort of comfort. A normal thing in his abnormal life.

Calum watched as his best friend got skinnier and dodged all of his efforts to hang out. He saw the bags grow darker under the pale boys eyes, bags that could only be explained by hours of laying awake. He talked to his mother. Watched as her face grew sadder with each new bit of information. It was when Calum told her Michael never had lunch she took action. Calum started going to school with double the food, sometimes it was stuff he didn't like. But the look on Michaels face always made it worth while. He looked alive, something that was becoming scarcer and scarcer lately.

He missed their sleep overs they used to have. Michael always said his parents were busy at work, so they were busy at home. To busy to ask. But that excuse got old 50 uses ago. Now it was like Michael was avoiding Calum. The boy was still the same person, talking along lively with Calum, as long as the topics of parents were avoided.

Joy watched her son walk in, alone, Michael had said he couldn't come over. Again. Which worried Joy. She knew Calum had other friends, but she also knew Michael had no friends other then Michael. The boy had no cousins, no siblings, just Calum. And if his parents are so busy, then he must be spending time alone.

Joy picked up the phone. She dialled the Clifford's house number. "H...hello. Michael Cl...Clifford speaking." The 10 year olds voice came over the phone.

"Hey Mikey. Are your parents home?" She asks.

There is a pause, "n...no. Th...they are a...at work." He finally answers.

"That's okay. Just let them know I called, okay?"

"O...okay. Bye J...joy." 

He hangs up the phone. And Joy set hers down. She couldn't understand those adults. Their son is home alone, wanting to come over, yet they won't let him. It just doesn't make sense.


	5. Age 11/12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Christmas time. How will that work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. This chapter may be triggering.

The last time Michael saw his parents, it was in a brief interaction about 4 months after his 11th birthday. His father handed him a guitar, his mother a book. Michael brought the instrument upstairs. He was gone for all of 5 mins, and in that time his parents had left. There was a wad of money on the counter and a note that said they loved him.

For his 12th birthday they left a card two weeks late on the counter. Now it was already Christmas, and he was alone. At least last year he briefly saw his parents, long enough to interact briefly. They exchanged gifts and his parents left, leaving Michael to clean up the tree and decorations. This year there was no tree, no decorations. No gifts. He hadn't seen Calum since they went on break for the holiday, and the boy had traveled back to New Zeland anyways. So Michael was truly alone with his thoughts.

For the amount of time he spends in his head, it really wasn't a good thing. He had a little voice, his voice yelling at him. And it wasn't kind. It like to point out every thing he did wrong, every flaw, and blamed him for things out of his control. Michael had been blaming himself for a while anyways. He was the reason his parents waited so long for his parents to have another child. He was the reason they had trouble conceiving. He was the reason his baby brother died. He was the reason his parents left. And he is the reason he spends all of his time alone.

On Christmas Day night, he makes the first cut on his wrist. And instantly he could breathe again. The pain distracted him from everything else. 

He had had heard of cutting from school, and never wanted to do that, it would destroy his family. But his family was already in shambles, so he decided not to fight it anymore. 

 

Joy watched her son with a heavy heart. Calum and Michael barely ever spoke anymore. The boy who had become a fixture in their life, the boy she loved as her own, her sons best friend, had practically disappeared from their lives. Which is why the day after Christmas, she and Calum said good bye to her husband, daughter, friends and family and cut their vacation short. They were going to "pop" by the Clifford residence.

Joy didn't know what to expect of the house when she pulled up, but even though the house looked put together, it felt cold and unwelcoming.

Michael opened up the door after two knocks. Skinny, pale and had bags under his eyes. All stuff Calum had grown accustomed to, but by his mothers gasp, he guessed it wasn't normal. He watched as Michael opened and closed his mouth like he was trying to say something. Nothing came out so he moved over and let the two in. Inside was pristine, perfect, not a single thing out of place. Not even the shoes, the were in a straight line. But there were no Christmas decorations. None whatsoever.

Joy knew the behaviour as soon as she saw it. The cleanliness. The organisation. All sights for OCD. Which honestly wouldn't surprise her. Michael was always a clean person. The poor boy.


	6. AGe 14/15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year nine is a wild ride.

Michael had been pulled back into the Hoods life after that day, he still spent many nights at home alone. But he always had a home cooked meal, and sometimes a bed at the Hoods household. He was still very quite, and very very organised. He had gained back a little weight and has more life in him. But unknown to the Hoods, his upper arms were covered in cuts and there were a few on his thighs. It was what kept him sane when he was home alone. He had reached a point where he needed it now, it had almost been three years since he started. "Mornin'" Calum muttered sitting down next to him. He nodded in response. Still not a big talker. 

"Hey Cal," A voice said pulling Michaels head up. He was face to face with a blonde haired blue eyed boy from their year. "We still on for today?" Calum nodded and the boy smiled and walked away.

Michael broke out into a cold sweat, his stomach dropping, chest tightening and his heart racing. It was Wednesday. Him and Calum always spend Wednesdays together. He shot Calum a look, and hoped the boy understood how much he was freaking out. Unfortunately Calum took it as a questioning glance. "That's Luke Hemmings. I have 3rd period Maths with him. We are going out to kick a ball around afterschool today in the park." Michael nodded not wanting to be too clingy. He didn't want Calum to fully leave him either.

It was 7th period, the only other class Michael doesn't share with Calum, and the boy was freaking out. After his talk today with Calum, he was freaking out that he was going to be replaced. He didn't know if he was getting to much for Calum, or if he was too boring. And during the only two classes him and Calum didn't share he worried if Calum was bad mouthing him.

Suddenly not able to breathe properly, his teacher let him go to the bathroom. Where he slid down the wall having his first panic attack in a public place. He didn't know how long he was in there but a boy he didn't know was asking him how he was then calling for help when Michael didn't reespond. There was a teacher, the school nurse, but no Calum. He needed Calum. He doesn't remember asking for him, but the dark haired boy is infront of him. 

It didn't take long after that for him to calm down. Calum had that effect on him. And while he would love to ask the boy not to go out with Luke, he was already pulling from the boys class studies. So with a heavy heart, and the worst stutter he has had in years he pushes Calum towards Luke and walked home alone. He finished the night cutting deeper then he has in a while.

 

Joy expected company, but not the company that came home with Calum. She did a double take on the day to make sure that yes it really was Wednesday, and Michael always comes over on Wednesday. This boy Luke was nice, him and Calum seemed to get along well, better then any of the other boys Calum had brought home since him and Michael had drifted apart. She dialled the Cliffords home phone, and ir rang and rang, with no answer. So she dialled again with the same result. 

The next day, Michael woke up in a ball in the bathtub. Dried blood everywhere. He showered and got dressed before running out the door, barely making it to the bustop on time. He sat in the empty seat at the front of the bus instead of next to Calum, his head pounding and eyes stinging. He avoided Calum at all costs, sitting away from him in class, hiding in the library during lunch. He knew he was pushing Calum away, but he convinced himself it was for the best. Calum could have a normal life now.

What he didn't expect was Calum waiting for him at his front door when he got home. "You've been avoiding me all week. Since your freak out in the bathroom."

Michael nodded not really sure what was going on. "L...Luke and y...you seemed to h...hit it off."

"Is that why you've been more distant than usual? Luke isn't a bad guy."

"I d...don't like h...him."

"That isn't your choice!"

"I...I just want y...you to have a normal life. E...even if I d...don't like him"

"He is a nice guy. You don't even know him."

"Whatever" MIchael yells going inside and slmaing the door on his way.


	7. Still year 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything was okay when in neat little lines.

Organization, that helped calm Michael down. And he really needed something to calm him down. Unfortunately he was stuck in school, and cutting in school was a BIG no for him. So he was using his lunch period to straighten out the bookshelves in the library. Gladdice, the librarian, had taken pity on him and let him stay when he first started avoiding Calum. That was over 2 weeks ago, and he has yet to talk to the kiwi.

The world seemed that much better when it was in neat little lines. Michael wasn't stupid then, and for sure he wasn't now. He knew he was messed up. He knew something wasn't right with him and his situation. But getting help meant telling someone the last time he saw his parents was years ago. They would take him away, and he couldn't have that. He would lose Calum, even if they weren't speaking.

"Okay Mikey, speak" A voice startled him. He looked up from his position on the floor, Calum was standing there, hands on his hip and giving him a glare. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I...I haven't b...been a...a...a"

"Cut the crap Mikey. You've been avoiding me since I hung out with Luke."

"Wed...Wednesdays were our d...days Ca... Cal. A...And y...you y...you..." He trailed off looking down.

"I spent it with Luke. I'm sorry. I didn't even know it was Wednesday. I swear."

"Y... you're all I h... have left Cal, Mum and D... dad work all the time."

"You're my best friend Mikey. I've missed having you around. No one gets me like you do."

"I've missed you too Cal." Mikey mumbles.

Calum pulls him up and they start towards the exit of the library when Calum stops short. "Mikey, you just spoke with out stuttering. Oh my god, that's amazing."

Michael smiled, a real smile and they continued to walk out.


	8. Year 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without a stutter Michael might be more out going? Nah, not really.
> 
>  
> 
> Holy shit. Major trigger warning!!! Like I don't usually add that because it's a given, but this chapter needs it. Like for real. It is one of the chapters that ties into Secret. I think there is a line that is like, someone to talk you down from the edge without knowing it... or something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, I just realized one of my favorite authors on here bookmarked, commented and added a kudos to this. Excuse me as I die.
> 
>  
> 
> Holy shit. Major trigger warning!!! Like I don't usually add that because it's a given, but this chapter needs it. Like for real. It is one of the chapters that ties into Secret. I think there is a line that is like, someone to talk you down from the edge without knowing it... or something.
> 
> idk, it is like 2 am.

At first Calum had thought Michael might be a little more out going now that he was talking without a stutter most of the time. Well he was wrong, Michael still stayed in that protective little shell that he lived in. Talking only to Calum and only when necessary. The teachers had long since given up on the blonde boy, he had been quiet in class for the longest time. So no one but the Hood family got to celebrate the fact that he was talking like a normal person... some what.

Unfortunately the situation didn't get much better with Luke. Michael had resorted to glaring at him when ever he was around. And Luke in his confusion lashed out with every glare. Making the atmosphere very tense, and pushing Michael deeper into depression. The blue eyed boy unknowingly voicing all of his fears.

Which is why we find Michael, standing in the bathroom, looking at the bottle of his mothers sleeping pills that she never was home to take and a full bottle of whatever alcohol he grabbed first from the liquor cabinet. He has though about taking his life before, but never gone through with it. The though of his parents losing another child always stopping him, but lately Calum had been pulling away, it was almost Michaels birthday (tomorrow to be exact), and he wasn't sure if he could take another year of disappointment. No one would really miss him, maybe the Hoods, but even then that would pass. His own parents wouldn't even miss him.

He reaches for them only to pull his hand back for a moment, tears forming in his eyes. He was in so much physical and emotional pain. All he wanted was for it to be over, with a swift motion, he popped the cap off the bottle of pills and dumped them out into his hand. He started raising his hand to his mouth, opening it wide to swallow the pills, when his phone went off with Calums ringtone. Swiping it off the counter he answered it. "Hello?"

"MIKEY! My main man. You, me, cinema, tomorrow night. Don't say no I already got the tickets."

Michael nods before realizing Calum can't see him. "O...okay. See you at school." Michael finishes.

"Yeah. You alright Mikey?" Calum asks.

Michael hesitates. "Yeah. I th...think so."

"Are you sure? You can come over if you would like. We could play FIFA or Mario Cart." Calum asks.

"I'm sure. Really. I'll see you in the morning Cal."

"Okay Mikey. I'm just making sure. I care about you, you know? And I know it is a day early, but Happy Birthday. Byee!!!" Calum hangs up.

Michael shot a longing look to to the pills in his hand, still wanting to swallow them, but he drops them back in the bottle, securing it in the medicine cabinet before returning the whiskey to the liquor cabinet. He can't let the money Calum spent on him to go to waste. And Michael isn't even acknowledging the fact that he might not have been Calums first choice, because he had to be. He had know Cal forever. Plus the Kiwi boy slightly picked up on his mood just by phone. With one last look, Michael shut off the light, not even cutting for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crap chapter, I know. I added a little more. Hopefully it helps.


	9. Year 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Luke and Michael finally bridge the gap? Who knows.
> 
> Sorry for this being so dark. Well it's a dark series. Trigger warning. Talk of suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the note at the end.

Calum had gotten Michael and Luke to at least sit at the same table. That atmosphere was extremely tense, and the silence was very uncomfortable. But there were no insults flying, so that was good. Calum had to try and make time for his two best friends. The two that didn't like each other. Well Michael didn't really like anybody, Luke just was the only one who didn't like him back. The kicker is, is that they had no reason for hating each other. Calum knew that if they would just talk they would realize that they had so much more in common then they thought. They liked practically the same bands, they played the same instrument even. Maybe that could bridge the gap between them. Music was Michael's life( well music and Calum, but Calum didn't know that) and the usually quiet boy would talk for hours about it if given the chance, longer now that he didn't stutter every other word. Maybe he would tell Luke next time it was just the two of them, it would break the awkward silence next time.

Michael picked at his meal that Calum had brought in for him lost in thought. He knew the dark skinned boy was trying to split his time between himself and the blue eyed boy, and that he was trying to have them get along. But Michael learned early, people can't abandon you if you don't get attached in the first place. Everyone would leave eventually, except for maybe Calum, that boy sure was persistent. So Michael would leave first. Make it so his friend wouldn't have to pick between friends. He still had the sleeping pills and alcohol from all those months, if that didn't work there was plenty of other ways. Michael could stop being such a burden to the Hoods. Joy wouldn't have to worry after him anymore, she could focus it on her own two kids. The Hoods wouldn't have to make him lunch anymore (Not like they had to in the first place, Joy wanted to). Michael brushed off Calums attempts at hanging out, knowing full well that it was a Wednesday and he would have a freak out if he didn't spend the night at the Hoods. He just simply told they younger boy that his parents had promised him that they would be home early today, a freak out would help him. So when he got home he gave into the need to organize. Making the house look perfect knowing full well that it could be days before someone finds him and the last thing he needed was for them to have to clean his house. 

The Hoods,

Thank you for everything you have done over the years. It means so much to me. You were the family I never had.

My parents haven't been home in weeks. I haven't seen them in years. I don't think they ever got over baby Jamies death. I don't think I ever did either.

I'm so tried of being a burden. I'm holding you back Cal, you have sacrificed friendships so that you could keep yours with me. I'm so grateful for that. You were my first and only friend. That means so much for me. But I don't want to hold you back anymore. 

Mr. and Mrs. Hood, Thank you for all you have given me. Homemade meals, a bed when I needed one. Love. I wouldn't know what love was if it wasn't for you guys. You guys are truly amazing people. I'm a better person because of all of you.

Truth is I'm just so tired. Tired of living, of fighting with myself, of living alone, of feeling unloved, of needing to be constantly organized and on a schedule. I just want it all to be over.

If it's not to much trouble can I be buried next to baby Jamie? This way I can spend time with him, I didn't get the chance here.

Goodbye,

Michael.

Michael folded up his not and left it on his bedside table so that it could be found with his body. He was in the middle of changing into his best clothes when Calums ringtone sounded. Nervously he picked it up, this was the second time he interrupted his attempt. "Hello?"

"Hey Mikey. Mali told me that when she passed by your house on the way home your parents weren't home. Did they ever show?" Calums asked.

"N..no. They didn't." Michael said his voice weaker. The fact his parents were never around hurt quite a bit still.

"HEY MUM, CAN WE GO GET MIKEY? HIS PARENTS HAVEN'T COME HOME YET!" Calum yells to his mother. "We'll be there to get you Mikey. I'm sorry they didn't come home. I'd always come home early for you. See you shortly." Calum hangs up.

Micheal felt tears build up, he didn't know if it was because of Calums words, or his families obvious care they have for him, or his own parents obvious lack of caring, or even because he was stopped. He assumes it's a little of all 4. But none the less he changes back into the clothes he was in before, puts the pills and alcohol back in their places and hides the note for later use. He is already ready when the horn beeps and Calum is storming into the house to hug him.

At dinner he can't help thinking to himself that he has a family even if it isn't by blood and he is crazy for trying to leave them. And if Calum purposefully stays up longer than him with his knowledge just to make sure that he really is safe, well Michael didn't need to know. Just like he didn't need to know that Calum had the overwhelming feeling that something was wrong during both times Michael was getting ready. Overwhelming to the point that phone calls and plans were needed before it went away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know how much longer Moments will go on for. Definately through the forming of the band, but I don't know how much further after that.
> 
> But that is not the end of this series. I have plans for the 1D boys(or some other group. idk yet) to find out. And for the fans to know some of it. And some events in with Luke or Ashton so we can get their reaction since we have mainly have had Michael and Calums.
> 
> Also if you would like Ashton and Lukes reaction to the whole parent situation go over there and comment on that piece. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then head that way too. you won't be disappointed.
> 
> Oh and I think I might rewrite the ending to my tattoo piece (it has nothing to do with this series), I was in a rush when I finished it. So yeah, a brief update on what is going on.


	10. Gym Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when Calum told Ashton and Michael he has know about Michael's cutting since year 10, well here it is.

Calum was running late to gym class the day he found out about Michael's cutting. The way it usually went was Calum would arrive to class on time and change with all the others. Michael would arrive 5 minutes into class, hand a pass to the teacher, and change in the empty locker rooms. It had been like that for the two weeks they had been in school. 

Today Calum was running late. He got held up in Maths when he asked the teacher a question. His teacher just shook his head and told him to get changed quickly. He figured Michael was already changed and with the rest of the group, when in reality he was changing with his headphones in, some American group blasting. Calum had taken the time to stare at the blonde boy. Not in a creepy way, but he had barely seen his friend in a T-shirt for years, and never shirtless. 

The pale boy was skinny, nearly skin and bone and Calum had to keep himself from counting Michaels ribs. But what really made his breath catch was the dozens of red cuts scattered all over the pale boys torso. Some were old, some looked like they had just scabbed over and were bright red. Calum wanted to hug Michael right then and there. 

Calum steps back behind the wall thing (My locker rooms at school had this short little walkway/ hallway so the people changing had privacy.) not feeling like having this confrontation in the locker room when Michael reaches for his ear buds. Calum pulls on the door so it makes the shutting sound when he lets go so it looks like he just got in there and takes the corner. He walks to his locker before looking over. "Hey Mikey." 

Michael looks up, now wearing a shirt. "Hey Cal. Why are you late?" He asks tying his shoes on.

"Had a question for my Maths teacher. Music run late again?" Calmu replies pulling his shirt off. He turns around in time to catch Michael nodding.

That was Michael's running excuse, Music class ran late. But after what Calum just saw, he figured he told the Music teacher he didn't like changing in front of other people and the Music teacher let his stay late and wrote him a pass. "I'll see you out there." Michael said before changing. Calum nodded.

The next time Michael slept over Calum was debating how to confront the older boy. He had gone to collect a couple of games that they could play. He was about to mention it when he noticed the real smile Michael had on his face. Those had been so scarce as of late and Calum didn't want to be the reason the boy stopped smiling.

It was later that night, long after Michael had fallen asleep the Calum lay awake with his computer on his lap. He went over all that he knew about Michael. His parents were barely home and it had been like that for years. He didn't know how long they spent at home. But they didn't take care of Michael if the boys body condition was any hint. That alone was enough to get the arrested as neglectful parents according to the website he was on. Michael would go into the next of kins custody, and if none were found then he would be put in the governments care and the closest home was in inner Sydney. Going another route Calum looked up what to do about Michaels cutting. It involved telling an adult and getting him professional help wich would involve his parents and would involve option one. 

Calum looked over to the sleeping boy, and got a flash of the scared little boy he was when they first met. The same scared boy that sometime showed himself to this day. The little boy Calum was fighting against. He knew Michael would go far if he only was more out going. He was killer on guitar, not that Michael knew Calum had heard him, and could have a career, something the boy wouldn't have if he went into a home.

Sucking in his fear, Calum made the silent promise to call Michael more often, but never tell a soul about what he saw. It was what was best.


	11. Chapter 11

Things between Michael and Like barely got better. Michael never talked in the younger boys presence even though recently Michael had been talking a lot more. In the passing months since the school year started Michael had taken to spending 3 or 4 nights curled up on the matress the Hoods kept under Calum's bed. Michael was often being told to watch his mouth as he destroyed Calum in video games even though the smile on Joys face gave her away. Michaels guitar was usually lying around somewhere, some of his laundry had found its way into Calum's basket. He had two homes the cold empty house that he kept immaculate and the loud house he was always welcomed at.

When Michael got home on a rainy Thursday afternoon he unlocked his front door like he would another day. His head was bobbing to the music he was playing on his IPod, a birthday present from the Hoods last year. He hadn't noticed the mess until he was standing in the living room. He was used to his parents leaving some sort of disarray when they came home. But never this much. He could see the broken glass in the kitchen, the picture frames all over the floor in every room he could see. The couch was flipped over and moved away from where he had put it and the room was a mess.

With shaking hands he dropped his keys and sobbed. His organised house, all of his hard work was destroyed. His chest heaved as he cried and he struggled to breathe. He fumbled with his phone dropping it twice before unlocking it. "Hello? Michael?" Joy asks over the phone. 

"Joy. My home... My parents... It's a mess... I can't." Michael struggled to get out still struggling to breathe as his eyes raked over the scene.

"Michael. Calm down, I'll be there soon okay? I'm leaving now alright? Your okay. Stay on the line. Your fine. Everything is fine." She says trying to calm him down. She had seen him like this only a few times and never this bad. He never showed this much emotion.

The drive was a short one luckily, but she was worried when she saw the door open, and once she was inside her worry grew at the mess. She had never seen the house in this state. The heart breaking sobs lead her through the house till she made to the living room. Michael was kneeling on the floor, head in his hands and his shoulders shaking. "Oh Mikey. What happened?" She kneeled in front of him pulling him in for a hug. 

"My parents must have come home today. Leave some money, get some booze, they do it every couple of weeks. Always leaving a mess behind. I don't know what happened though today." Michael sobs latching onto his surrogate mother. 

Joys heart broke, she figured his parents spent most of the time at work. But from the sound of it they never came home. How long had this been going on? "Come on Mikey. We will talk at home." She grabbed his keys and helped him up. She helped him into the car and watched him curl in on himself with a sad smile. They entered the house quietly, Michaels tears finally dry. Joy sits him down at the table, glad the rest of her family had various other activities. This talk was long over due. "Do you want to tell me about your parents?"

Michael shrugged, shutting down his emotions. "Th...they don't c...come home a...any m...more. W...went to w...work o...one d...day and n...never c...came b...back i...if I w...was s....supposed to..to b...be the..there. I...it's b...been l...like th...this s...since I w...was 11."

Joy pulls him in for another hug. "Why didn't you tell us baby? We would have made you move in with us. You didn't have to be alone." 

"I...I d...didn't w...want to be a b...burden. You...you a...already d...do s...so m...much f...for m...me and...and I c...can't p...pay y...you back." Michael cries into the hug.

"I love you like you are my own child Michael. I don't want you to pay me back and you would never be a burden. I won't let you live alone in that house any longer. Tomorrow me and you will go and collect whatever you want from there after school, okay? We've been meaning to clear out that unused office upstairs to give you a room here anyways. I will put the boys on it tonight and tomorrow." She pulls away from him to wipe his face. "We love you Michael." Michael nods pulling her in for a hug (the first one he has initiated in years) crying to hard to get out words. Joy just held him close letting him feel the love he needs.

Calum walks through the door with his father a little over an hour later. Joy looks up from the stove at the sweat soaked boy who resembles. "I need you two to clean out the office. ASAP."

"What's the rush mum?" Calum asks pulling a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Michael is moving in. Don't let him tell you other wise. His parents aren't home enough for it to be alright for him." She says bending the truth. "He is sleeping on the couch now so if either of you wake him up, I swear..." She trails of with a look.

"What happened today Joy?" Calum's father asks ducking his head through the doorway to check on the sleeping boy he also thought of as a son.

"I finally talked some sense into him. Calum go up and shower. Dinner will be done soon." She watches her son leave the room hesitantly and waits for the water to start before talking. "He hasn't seen his parents in 4 years, but I think the disappearing act started before that. They come home every so often, take some booze, leave supply money and make a small mess. They trashed the house this time. Michael called in a panic. You know how he gets. He has to have things organised and clean, has a panic attack if it isn't. Well that happened today. We've stood by to long, he needs a family. More then just the 3 days a week he stays over."

Mr. Hood nods. "That couple always seemed off to me. Especially after Jamie..." He pauses taking a breath. "After Jamie died."

"I just wish there was more we could do, or that we did more sooner." Joy says joining her husband in the doorway to watch Michael.

"We did what we could with the information he fed us."

The next day they packed up his stuff from his room and some other pictures. Michael handed the money his parents left on the counter, plus whatever he hadn't spent from the previous times to Joy as payment. She opened up an account and deposited it in there for him without his knowledge. Hoping the near four grand he saved will get him somewhere.

She returned a week later and straightend up the house, collecting a few pictures Michael might want later.

Michael asked her to go and get the money, telling her that she could keep it, as they are paying for him. Everything goes into the account he doesn't know about.

Eventually Joy writes the Clifford's a note, saying that Michael had moved in with the Hoods. He didn't come to the house anymore. She said that she stopped by and got the mail, taking any money and giving it to the boy.

The money never stopped coming.


	12. Friends?

Michael got better about Luke being around. By better he didn't glare at the boy every time he saw him. Which was at school, Calum hadn't brought him home since Michael moved in to give the pale boy time to adjust to having people around. Luke didn't know the full story, but he let Calum hang out at his house all he wanted.

3 weeks after Michael moved in Luke came over. Calum had lead him through the door tenitavely, knowing Michael was already home. He lead him upstairs and past Michaels shut door and into his own room. They spent some time up there before going back down to play video games in the sitting rom where the TV was larger.

All in all the day was rather uneventful, Michael was cooped away in his room doing god knows what (cutting but Calum doesn't know that) and Luke and Calum played video games. Joy came home around 5 pm and started on dinner basically demanding Luke stay for it. Everything was fine until dinner time. Joy had made up 4 plates, 3 with normal portions. 1 with smaller portions. Luke looked at it questioningly but didn't ask.

Calum had disappeared up the stairs moments ago, and was now hesitantly bringing down Michael. Luke's eyes were wide as he watched the other boy silently take his seat behind the plate with smaller portions. Years of living how Michael did, small meals that never filled him up, two meals max a day, had shrunk his stomach. They were slowly working him towards normal portions and getting him farther away from that skin and bone boy he is. Michael never looked up. He stayed silent the entire meal and Calum realised Luke had never heard Michael speak, Michael rarely spoke at school.

After dinner Calum and Luke had gone upstairs. "Who's room is that?" Luke asks when they pass Michaels now open door.

Calum looks over to it taking in the band posters on the wall, the computer open on his bed, music paused, the guitar leaning up the desk, the room neat and tidy, but still a warm room. "Michaels." Calum says pushing open the door to his room.

"I didn't know you guys were brothers." Luke says sitting in a chair.

"We aren't. Michael just lives with us. It's a new thing. His parents are away all the time for work trips." Calum says the practised lie everyone had agreed on. Not that Calum knew it was a lie yet.

Luke nods. "Is he mute or something. I've never heard him talk."

Calum looks at him the laughs. "Can't get him to shut up usually. He's just really shy in groups or around people he doesn't know." Calum says when he stops laughing. 

Luke nods. "I've been a dick to him then. I thought he didn't like me for no reason." He says with a frown.

Calum gives a small smile. "No, he doesn't like you. It's not you though. Just how he is. We are working on it. Just talk about music, guitars and video games. That should help a lot. And if he insults or ignores you don't fire back a nasty comment. He won't feel as threatened." Calum says trying to help.

An hour later when Calum is walking Luke to the door, they pause at Michaels door and listen to the guitar flowing through it. Luke looks pleasantly surprised and Calum is hopeful that they will be friends soon.


	13. I don't understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum couldn't believe it. He was out for 1 day, and here Michael is. Talking to Luke with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be posting a separate piece about how Michael and Luke really started talking.

Calum didn't believe it, he couldn't believe it. He was out for 1 day, and in that 1 day a miracle happened. Luke and Michael started a friendship. He was walking into school next to Michael going on about some assignment as Michael listened with a smile (Smiles were so much more common as of late). He remembers glancing over to Luke's locker to give him a wave like he did every morning, but the blonde boy wasn't there. It wasn't until they rounded the corner and neared Michaels locker that he saw Luke. Luke had been leaning up against the locker next to Michaels, his head bobbing away to the beat in his headphones. Calum glanced to Michael warily unsure of what was going on. But Michael was smiling at Luke. "So did you like it?" Michael asked. Now Calum was very lost. Michael didn't talk to Luke, ever. Michael didn't talk in school, or in public, or in large groups. He was the quiet boy in the back of the class that glared at everybody and hated the world. That was the Michael Calum had grown accustomed to in public. Not this Michael that had come out of his hiding spot.

Luke pulled out an ear bud. "Man you were right, they are amazing." Luke smiled. "Hey Calum. Are you feeling better? Michael said you were rather miserable yesterday morning before school.

It took Calum a moment to respond. "Yeah. I'm still not 100% but I'm a lot better then yesterday." Calum looks at the two, neither party wearing a glare. "I'm a little lost. What is going on?"

Luke beamed at Calum, but Calum was more concerned with how Michaels breathing seemed to hitch and how his eyes became trained on the floor. Calum needed to get 1 on 1 with Michael and quick. Michael was headed for a panic attack.

"We got over our differences." Luke smiles. "Well I got to go, I have to go all the way across the building for class. I'm glad you are feeling better Cal. You were right Michael, awesome band." Luke waved and walked off.

Michael busied himself with his locker, putting everything in neat little rows before pulling out the books he needs and rearranging everything again. It was a normal occurrence, but Michael was biting his lip nearly causing it to bleed. "Michael..." Calum started.

He didn't get to finish because suddenly Michael sobbed out. "I...I'm s...sorry. D...Don't hate m...me. I d...didn't mean t...to. H...he w...was j...just th...there and I w...was l...lonely. H...he st...started t...talking and...and...and..." Michael's breath increases as he gets more and more worked up.

"Michael!" Calum says sternly before pulling the older boy down and positioning his head between his knees so he could calm down. "You need to breath okay? I'm not mad. I'm just confused as to what was going on. I'm glad the two of you are friendly if not friends. I've been trying to get you like that for months. You are going to make yourself sick at this rate. You need to calm down." Calum rubs the boys back, ignoring the bell ringing. Slowly Michael's breath normalizes. "There we go. You okay?"

Michael nods, a blush on his face. Calum didn't know if it was about the panic attack or the stutter. He assumes it's both. "Th...thanks." He mumbles. They sit there in silence for a bit before Michael stumbles over his words, a lot less frantic. "Y...you a...aren't m...mad?"

"Far from it. I'm proud of you. I know making friends isn't easy for you. Now come on, we're late for class." Calum says helping Michael up.

Michael doesn't speak for the rest of the day, but that's because he doesn't want to stutter and stumble over his words, this mornings panic attack still on his mind. Calum is saddened that his stutter has made another reappearance, but he is still glad Michael is branching out.

And Luke didn't seemed fazed by Michael's lack of words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything seems to be getting better. Hmmmm. I doubt it will stay that way for long. Maybe in this fic, but not in the series.
> 
> If you guys have nay questions, don't be afraid to leave them in the comments and I will try to clarify them for you. Or even if you guys do what ReallyLarry did and put in an idea (is that considered a prompt?) and chances are if I like it and it fits I will add it to the series. Especially if it helps explains some things.


	14. Panic panic panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for the attack
> 
> Even though I have had numerous panic and anxiety attacks they are really hard to describe.
> 
> Also check out the video. It's me telling you all thank you and how much you've helped.

<http://youtu.be/Yk7lkMXM2Qo>

 

check out that video. You guys are awesome.

 

Calum ran through the hallways of the schoo, teachers yelling at him to slow down, but he doesn't hear them, Luke's text at the front of his mind.  _Michael just left class in a rush looking pale and shaky._ Calum waited until he was out of the class to start running. It didn't help that the wing Luke and Michael were in was all the way on the other side of the school and the bell had rung.

By the time Calum made it to the bathroom Michael was hiding out in, the older boy was already in the full swing of an attack. Calum dropped to his knees and hesitantly extended his arm to Michael. Sometimes Michael needed physical contact, other times that was the worst idea. "Mikey?" Calum asked quietly. The pale boy looked at him with a heart breaking look and practically threw himself at Calum.

"I wanna go home. I wanna go home. Cal I wanna go home." Michael says between his erratic breathing.

"You have to calm down Mikey." Calum pulls him against his chest and rubs his back. "Match my breathing. There you go." Calum remembers painfully when they were in this same situation a year ago. Same bathroom even. Michael's breathing calmed down and evened out. "Want to talk about it?" Calum asked.

"S'nothing. I overreacted." Michael mumbled. "Thanks." Michael gets up and leaves the bathroom. 

Calum follows. "Mikey." The dirty blonde boy ducks into the classroom he had been in to collect his stuff. Calum stopped, the reason for Michael's panic attack in front of him. His papers were strewn all over a lab bench. Luke was systematically sorting each on of the papers. "Is the reason for your attack because of your papers?"

"Oh Mikey. You organise alphabeticly by class and unitly right?" Luke asks looking up. Calum could have kissed him for the fact that he had noticed Michaels's organisation. Michael just looked shocked. 

"Yeah. And everything is dated and time stamped as well." Calum says catching up to Michael. "If this is why Mikey, it's not nothing. Your OCD, this is big." He joined Luke at the table, quickly catching on to how thing were placed. 

Calum never found out why Michaels's books were in disarray. But by the time everything was back in order, Michael had a smile and was joking around like normal. That was enough for Calum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks again.


	15. Sex?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's play a game called let's see who is a virgin?

Calum silently opens up the back door to his house and steps into the kitchen. He hears the loud explosions of video game grenades from the living room and sighs slightly. The fact that Michael is up at 3 am is unsurprising, the fact that he was down in the living room blasting his video games was surprising. But it meant that Calums parents were out for the night and he wasn't about to get in trouble for being out late. Calum stepped into the living room, no longer worried about being quiet, actually being quiet could be a bad thing with Michael.

Michael was mashing away at buttons, swearing at the person on the other end of the headset when Calum sat next to him. Michael didn't acknowledge him until his game was over. He switched the television back to cable and looked at Calum. "You're late."

Calum shrugged. "Marina wanted me to go inside for a bit after our date." He looked at the time. "Don't we have recording in a few hours." Luke had been posting videos on youtube and eventually Calum and Michael joined in shortly after the two started becoming friends. They posted a few covers, but something was missing, a drummer. Surprisingly Michael knew a drummer, and they were posting their first cover with the drummer, Ashton, later on that day. 

The band had been really a good thing for Michael. Calum got to watch him break out of his shell. He wasn't comfortable really having any solos, but he was okay usually about introducing them, which Calum was really glad to see.

"We do. I couldn't sleep. You know. S'okay." Michael shrugs picking at his sweater sleeve. "How was your date with Marina?"

"Went alright. We went to the movies." Calum gives a small smile. "Made out on her bed a little bit. You know how it goes." Calum blushes. It goes away

Michael looks down. "I... I haven't had a kiss." Michaels hands moved frantically over the coffee table tiding it up in the way he does when he is trying to get himself out from spiraling.

"Hey. Hey. It's alright. You're alright." Calum grabs his hands. "It's perfectly fine that you haven't kissed anyone yet. I would bet money on it that you aren't the only one in the entire world, even in our school. It doesn't make you weird, strange pathetic or anything. It makes you you. And one day you will have your first kiss, then probably another and another so on and so forth. It's normal Mikey." Michael nods. Still looking at the table. Calum lets go of his hands knowing what Michael needs now. "Go ahead." Michael continues neatening up the table before moving on to the rest of the room. It seems to be enough because afterwards he sits down on the couch.

"Sorry." Michael mumbles.

"Don't be sorry. I know you can't help it. I get it. I'm sorry for setting you off." Calum says.

"Thanks by the way." Michael says. "I heard what you said. Maybe one day soon yeah?"

Michael doesn't tell Calum or anybody when he has his first kiss. Or his second one. Calum just assumes that when Michael gets a girlfriend he has his first kiss. What really shocks him is when they are at a party and Michael is drunk (not a normal occurrence) not like lost control and all sense, but like he is much looser and care free and Calum witnesses him swap spit with some chick and later that night some guy. (And if the next time the boys get drunk in private and Calum might initiate a kiss between him and Michael, then him and Ashton, then maybe Luke. And if the others kiss each other as well, then no one has to know.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So virgins in this chapter. But by Secret which takes place during the spring/summer of 2014 on their self titled tour. Michael = virgin. Calum = not virgin. Ashton = not virgin. Luke = not virgin. Michael is bi, Ashton straight (unless drunk, then he is known to kiss the boys), Luke is pan, Calum is unsure.


	16. Attempt Number 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has had enough of life.

The band was getting bigger. They had done some national tours as an opening group and had some gigs near home as the pain act. Michael had found a family in the boys. He found himself smiling more, real smiles. Yet he still felt that calling for death. He was going to do it. For real this time. No one was going to stop him. It was Saturday morning and Michael was pulling on his shoes and heading down the stairs. His phone on his bed blankets. Calum had interrupted him every time by phone call and he didn't wan't to be stopped. He grabbed his old house key and told Joy there was something he wanted at his old house so he was going to go get it. Joy was surprised he usually avoids his house after he got his stuff. But she didn't question the 16 year old and just told him to be home for dinner.

Michael took his time to get to his old house. His old note was in his pocket still relevant. He had a few more notes to write, but he knew he could take care of that once he got to his house. His house, that's all it was, just a house. He had a home, at the Hoods. His house was unlived in in. Some things were missing because Joy had boxed them up for Michael. The fridge was empty and unplugged, the heat was off and there was a thick layer of dust on everything. His old room was the only completely bare room in the entire house. All that was left was empty shelves and a bare mattress. He sat on the bed and spread out his supplies he had collected. A note book and pen from the office. The whiskey from the liquor cabinet. His moms sleeping pills from the bathroom. He opened the note book.

_Ashton,_

_Man you are just a ball of sunshine. Always so happy. Stay that way. You'll need it when you guys get famous._

_I'm so glad I ran into you that day. You really made a difference in my life. You never told me why you were in Dr. Thorton's office. But I guess I never told you why I was seeing Dr. Thorton either. Didn't really tell anyone. You should tell them sometime. Maybe it will help you. I don't know. Maybe you got better._

_I never got better. I just managed and muddled. I've got... sorry had, OCD, depression, some issues with abandonment and separation. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I really don't know. I just didn't want to be medicated. I didn't want to be a pill zombie. It wasn't fair to anyone._

_Have fun with your life._

_Mikey_

 

_Luke,_

_I'm sorry. I hated you for so long because I was jealous. You had a family and friends and you were trying to take Cal from me. Or so I thought. I guess I was wrong. You wanted to be my friend as well. Cal was all I had before you came along. So thanks, I was awful to you._

_Don't let the media pull you down okay. You've got this. You were made for this alright? Don't let anyone stop you._

_Take care of Cal for me. And Ash. I know it's asking a lot but I have faith in you. I've always had faith in you._

_I'm  sorry I didn't stick around. Please don't tell the others this, but I'm not needed. You can find much better guitarists, ones that can actually sing. I'm happier now, Happier than I've been in years and it's all thanks to you guys. So I'm content with leaving now._

_Bye._

_Mikey._

 

_Calum,_

_This is the hardest one to write. I want you to know that you are the best best friend anyone could ask for. You never gave up on me. And I know I said this in the letter to your family. But thank you for everything you have done. You've put the light back in my life._

_I never really had the chance to move on from Jamie until I moved in with you. I was always going home to an empty house. It was just this constant reminder that I had a baby brother and now I didn't. He was supposed to fix my family. He was supposed to bring my parents together, And he did, but then he died and they left me. Left me all alone. Why Cal? I know that I was the reason for their fighting. They were having trouble having another child because they waited too long. They waited because of my problems._

_Dr. Thorton says I have abandonment issues and that, that is the root of my problems. I never told you what I have. Well you know about the OCD. But um... I have depression. And the above mentioned abandonment issues. And well separation anxiety I guess. I'm not medicated. I don't need all those pills. I don't want to lose me. Even if I am this messed up person._

_Don't be sad about this. I want this. I am at peace with my decision. I'm happier then I have been in years._

_Thanks again for everything._

_Mikey._

 

Michael sat all of the notes down with shaky hands. He was ready. He unscrewed the cap to the whiskey and removed the cap to the pills. He had just placed 3 pills in his mouth and raised the bottle to swallow them down (never been able to dry swallow) when Calum called out his name. "Michael!" Calum came stumbling into the room, panting and still repeating Michaels name. The tan boy launched himself at Michael. The whiskey and pill bottles falling to the floor. The pills in his mouth came tumbling out with Calums impact. "P.ease be okay. Please Michael." Calum spews out on repeat.

"Cal?" Michael asks.

"What did you do? What did you take? How much did you take?" Calum asks looking him over.

"N...Nothing Cal. M'fine I swear I swallowed nothing." Michael says.

Calum looks at him sitting back. Only just realizing the crinkle of papers under him. He picks up one, Lukes, and his face falls. He picks up another, his own, and tears start to fall. "You were going to kill yourself? Why didn't you tell me any of this? I could have helped you. You can get better and I can help you. I'll always help you." Calum pulls him close. "We have to talk about this. But not here. Not in this hell house. Let's go home." Calum pulled him off the bed, leaving the mess and notes behind.

Calum made Michael tell both him and his parents about his suicide attempt and all of his mental issues (save for cutting, even Dr. Thorton didn't know he still did it. He had perfected the art of hiding it.) They cried, all of them. Michael in relief, now that they new a lot of it. The Hoods because they didn't see it. But it worked out better for all of them. Everyone was always checking in with him, asking how he was doing. And as annoying as it got, it really helped him a lot. He wasn't cured. Not by a long shot, but he was making bigger strides towards it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have 4 more chapters planned for moments, but there are three more one shots that I am planning out and one multi chapter fic that I am planning out for the universe. So be prepared for a lot more heartbreak and pain as well as laughter and joy.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things go bump in the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some ugly situations in the beginning during the nightmate

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP SCRATCH

THUMP SCRATCH GROWL

THUMP SCRATCH

THUMP 

THUMP

Michael looked around the dark room trying to locate the creature making the sound. His voice wouldn't work and his throat felt like sandpaper. He felt around the room for a door only to come in contact with a warm sticky substance. The lights came on, lighting up the room with harsh florescent light, getting brighter by the moment. The plain concrete wall was stained in red, the source of which was a mangled body seemingly attached to ceiling. Upon closer inspection it was himself.

THUMP

Michael started backing up

THUMP

The body started moving

THUMP SCRATCH

Michael stumbled over his own feet and fell to the floor

THUMP SCRATCH GROWL

The mangled body lunged at Michael

THUMP SCRATCH

THUMP

THUMP

Michael woke up, a scream ripping from his throat. Footsteps came running towards his room. Calum got there first, wearing nothing but boxers and his hair disheveled with sleep. Joy and her husband were there shortly afterwards, also in their sleep cloths.  Tears spilled onto his cheeks and a sob wracked his chest. Calum was by his side in an instant.

"Shhh Mikey. It's okay." Calum says pulling him in for a hug. "You're okay."

The adults watch from the doorway for a moment before deciding Calum has it handled and heading back to bed. Calums father reassuring her that it was all going to be okay.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Calum asked.

"N...No m...more s...supernatural before b...bed." Michael stumbled out, looking for something out of place in his room that he could neaten up.

Calum chackles. "I told you not to watch it" He continues to rub Michaels back. "You okay enough to bed?"

Michael nods, eyes still dancing around the room. "Maybe. Maybe."

"Come on lie down." Calum says pushing him down. "Rest."

"No. No. No." Michael says till looking around.

"Come on Michael, it's 4am, you need to sleep. Please." Calum says him back down. Michael struggled and Calum knocked into his desk, sending somethings onto the floor.

Michael fought harder until Calum gave up, not accustomed to the wild look in the pale boys eyes. Michael rolled out of the bed and onto the floor reaching for the mess. He quickly picked up the mess and left the room looking for another mess. Calum found him in the bathroom scrubbing the tub. He sat on the toilet lid and watch his friend and brother literally clean to calm himself down.

He must have fallen asleep because an embarrassed looking Michael is shaking him awake. "Sorry. Sorry. Sometimes I cant." He pauses to fix his fringe. "Can't handle it, and I need to clean to pull me back."

"I should have known. I've seen you do it plenty of times. I just never payed attention to it and put two and two together. What time is it?" Calum says rubbing at his eyes.

"Around 6." Michael says putting away the cleaning supplies.

Sighing Calum says. "Alright, I'll talk to mum, see if we can stay home today, sleep and stuff." He gets up and leaves the bathroom.

Entering the pale bays room not long later, Calum sees him curled up on his bed fast asleep. Sleeping peacefully. Shaking his head with a small smile, he heads into his own room to get a few more hours of sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the time comes for them to drop put of school, how well do things go down in the Hood house hold?
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. This gives a little sneak peak into a therapy technique that Michael uses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So life hates me. I work full time and go to college. I've had this chapter written out for like 2 weeks, and I haven't had the chance to type it up.
> 
> I also don't know Calums fathers name, so I called him Will.
> 
> This also gives a little sneak peak into We Met in Therapy, I mention a technique he uses.
> 
> Moments is coming to an end. Sadly. But the universe isn't over. I have 3 more one shots planned out for sure. 
> 
> Sick Day Friendship- Covers how Luke and Michael became friends (started)
> 
> We Met in Therapy- Covers how Ashton and Michael met (started, but it's a lot longer then I expected it to be.)
> 
> Jamie- (I honestly can't remember where I was gunna go with this one)
> 
> then I will probably write a short multi chapter involving the 1D boys.
> 
> It probably won't end after that either.

"So I faxed the forms to your mothers work." Joy said after dinner one night. They had spent the last two weeks talking about dropping out of school to pursue a career in music. Joy finally caved about it after they got contacted by some music guy in London. But it wasn't that simple. There were somethings Joy couldn't authorize at school for Michael, dropping out was one of them. They had found out that Karen had called the school and given Joy permission to dismiss and call Michael out from school, under the circumstances that they travel for work they Michael stays with the Hoods a lot (Arguably one of the best things they ever did for Michael). But they still hold all the power in dropping out. Michael looked up from the pattern he was reading surprised. Calum looked hopeful. All of the boys had already declared that they would wait to go to London if Michael couldn't drop out (him and Calum may have had to really give detail to lie about Michaels parents being away at work all the time). "I got them back today." She pulled the signed papers out of the folder that was sitting on the coffee table. "We'll submit them tomorrow." Calum smiled as his face lit up. Michael sat there looking shocked.

"YES!! I'm gunna go tell the guys!" Calum yelled jumping up excited. He left the room to go upstairs already tapping away on his phone.

Michael still sat there in shock, eyes planted on the papers in Joys hands. "Michael? She asked softly.

"The didn't even call to ask why I wanted to drop out. They don't care!" Michael yelled, throwing down the pattern in his hands and storming up the stairs.

Both Joy and Will flinched at the slam of Michaels door. "He took that about as well as I expected." Joy said with a sigh, getting up to go talk to him.

"I'll go talk to him." Will says beating his wife to the stairs. He climbed up them slowly. Not surprised that Calum was already knocking at Michaels tightly shut door. Will gestured for him to go back to his room. And he did still talking away to one if not both boys. Will knocks on the door. "Michael?"

"Go away!" Michael yells, turning his music up.

Will sighs and opens the door. He takes in the immaculate room that the boy has, not a single thing out of place. Michael is lying face down on the bed. Will can hear him sniffling slightly. "Michael." He walks into the room and sits on the edge of the bed. He rubs Michaels back soothingly, waiting it out.

"I didn't... I thought that..." Michael kept restarting his sentence. "We weren't going to be able to go because of me. They wouldn't leave without me. It was all going to be my fault. But Joy... She... She found a way." He finally gets out sobbing slightly. "But they didn't call. I thought maybe when she first talked to me about it. Maybe they still love me. Maybe they still cared." He paused here for a sob. "But they just signed it without asking why. They don't care." Michael starts sobbing harder.

Will continues to rub his back. After all his parents did to him; Abandon him, mess him up mentally, to the point that he nearly tried to kill himself. He ended up in therapy for anxiety and depression triggered by their leaving. The poor boy still wants them to love him. He still loves them. It truly is heart breaking. "Maybe they saw the youtube videos. Maybe they thought calling would do more harm then good." Will knew he was wrong. The two adult Cliffords were still caught up with the death of their youngest and thought throwing themselves into their work was a great idea. They weren't thinking about Michaels needs. There would have been some sort of contact from them if they were.

"Doubt it." Michael snorts. They sit in silence for a while. "I'm done." He finally said.

"Michael." Will says worried.

"Done with them. Done with letting them hold me back." He sits up wiping at his face. "Family doesn't stop at blood. I don't need them. They've used up their usefulness. I'm outta school. I have people who care about me. I can't continue to live in the past anymore. I can't wish for love from the people who threw me away like I was trash. I have parents. Right? You and Joy are more my parent then they are?"

Will smiles. "Right." He affirms. "We love you like you are our own. Always have."

Michael nods. "I know. Thank you for everything. But especially for loving me. I wouldn't know what it was without you guys."

"You don't have to thank us." Will says. "Watching you become the amazing person you are is more then enough.

Michael nods pulling him into a hug (something he is still getting used to).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've also been writing a lot of one shots, which lets be honest, they absolutely suck. And I've started 2 other multi chapter fics on paper, but those won't be up until I make a dent in After Ever After (which the next chapter of that is started. It's just so hard to write because there has to be this awkward air around everyone at the moment. I know where I want to go with it, it's just getting there. I also want to make a dent in Hogwarts (but where no one is friends yet I'm struggling to write that one as well at the moment.)
> 
> The two multichapter fics that you can look forward to are:
> 
> Deaf- Where Luke is deaf, Ashton and Calum are his friends, and they can hear; and Michael is the only hearing person in a world of deaf people. How does he react when he is suddenly thrown into a worl of people who can hear and he is surrounded by all this noise?
> 
> Under the Sea- New to the school, all Michael wants is a little attention from his mother, who is too busy acting in musicals to pay attention to her only son. So he joins his new schools musical to try and get her attention. Also starring the 1D and ATL boys plus a small amount of OC's.


	19. Leaving School

Michael was packing up the last of the items in his locker. He was officially done with school. His textbooks were already passed in and Calum and Luke were in another hallway packing up their lockers. Michaels world was finally looking up for the first time in a long time. He closed the metal door and walked deeper into the school.

Calum and Luke were packing up their lockers while holding a conversation, it was drifting in the space between the two lockers. “Michael tell him that Rise Against and Rage Against the Machine are the same band just with different singers.” Calum tells him as soon as Michael is within speaking distance.

Michael leaned up against one of the lockers in between them thinking for a moment. “Sorry Cal. They aren’t the same band.” 

Calum pouted. “I could have sworn that they were the same band.” He finished dumping his stuff into his bag, locking the door. He tosses Luke an All Time Low CD. “You win.”

Luke smiles tucking it away. “Quit pouting Cal, were having a get together at my house tonight remember?” Luke also shuts his locker, “And next week we are flying out London to make music.” The three of them walk out of the building together, for the last time. Michael and Calum get in Joys’ waiting car, Luke gets in his fathers car.

Dinner time found the three families sharing a laugh behind the Hemmings house, sharing laughs and stories.

“It’s such a shame your parents couldn’t join us tonight Michael.” Anne says, completely unaware of how touchy of a subject Michaels family was. “Will we see them at the airport next week?”

Smiles become forced among the Hood family as Michael loses his grip on both his knife and fork. “Oh, um, no I don’t think they’ll be home by then. Work keeps them really busy and all.” He forces out looking towards his lap. “Joy and Will are going to be there and I stay with them when my parents are away.” Michael bites his lip. “Excuse me.” He slides his chair away from the table and heads into the house. 

“I didn’t mean to upset him.” Anne says sadly. 

“It’s just hard on him, two parents with time consuming jobs, being an only child. They were promoted when he was younger and haven’t been around much since. Me and Will do our best, sometimes it just isn’t enough.” Joy says smoothing over the tension with the well practised lie. “But he’s right, we are going to be at the airport, and we are like parents to him. So that’s what matters.”

“I’m going to go check on him.” Calum says getting up and following the path Michael just took.

“I really am sorry.” Anne says. “I didn’t know.”

Will smiles taking his wifes hand. “We know and he knows. And where his parents fall flat we succeed and not just my family, but you guys as well. Your open hearts and warm smiles, the love you have for him, that we have for him. We don’t talk about his parents because there is no need when we are his family.” He says rubbing the back of his wifes palm.

If anyone notices that Michael looks like he had been crying and like he had ran his hands through his hands a few times, well no one commented on it.

The terminal was busy for a Tuesday morning. Luke had on sweats and a beanie, Ashtons hair wasn’t straightened, Calum was rubbing at his eyes while yawning and Michael was leaning against him somewhere between awake and asleep. They’re all waiting for their flight number to be called. 

“Flight number 487, Sydney to London now boarding.” Was called over the intercom.

Hugs were exchanged. Joy made sure to whisper in Michaels ear. “I’m so proud of you and I love you. Now go live your dream.”

Michael was next to Calum on the plane, the two of them exchanging hopeful smiles as the plane took off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moments is officially over. Thanks for taking the wild ride with me. Keep an eye out for more works in this series.


End file.
